well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
