like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
where are my eyebrows?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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