best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
