ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
