After last night, I could never be a politician.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
