So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
