I'm laying in your front yard are you home
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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