I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
