This is the prime rib incident all over again
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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