One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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