Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
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She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
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I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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