he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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