At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
