Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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