the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
