I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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