Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
