Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
