Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
