Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
