i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm sobbing to NWA
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
