Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
