no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
