Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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