just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
