Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
