too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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