I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
