I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
