I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i dont even know how to be here
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
