i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I look better un-naked...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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