I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Let's get the cat blown out
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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