You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
