All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I believe in your delicious
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
