see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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