so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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