have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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