I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
