i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
