while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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