Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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