can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
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No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
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I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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