he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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