soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
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I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
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dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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