you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Green mimosas i think yes
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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