Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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