True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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