She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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