:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
