I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Please don't give away my fajitas
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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