I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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