birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
