I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
