left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
