I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
