I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
