Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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