The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
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By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
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Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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