I'm laying in your front yard are you home
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Randomize
