Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
