His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
