please come you make the beer taste better
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
