The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
