Your tits are I can't wait for
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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