On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
