Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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