stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
