Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
