Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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