All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
