He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
