woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
