It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
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I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
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Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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