So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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