You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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