I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
