forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
