how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
