this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
