I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
