I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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