I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
