My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
