apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
