I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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